A Caring Presence
By Msgr. Thomas P. Hadden
Recently in Raleigh we read of the abduction and murder of a loving mother and grandmother who was a faithful Christian. The deed was allegedly done by a sex predator
with a prior conviction for sexual assault.
There was an outpouring of concern and help for the family from friends, church members and co-workers. This type of response is typical of North Carolinians. People are present and helpful when such a tragedy strikes a family. It also happens when there is a natural death.
I witnessed this in my youth in the African-American community. The wreath on a door was the call for the neighbors and friends to gather and take care of the needs of the bereaved family. The children learned from the parents and grandparents to reach out to their peers when their parents or grandparents died.
When my own mother died, the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, who staffed St. Monica School which I attended, brought my class over to our house to gather at my mother’s coffin and pray for her and the family. They also brought over those in the school who were Girl Scouts, since my mother ran the St. Monica troop.
It was the custom in those days to wake the women of the family in the parlor of the family home. Often, as in my mother’s case, the funeral service was also held at the home. Those who came sat inside the house, on the porch and in the yard.
There was never any effort to shield the children from the reality of death. Godparents would come and talk to the children; playmates and friends would come around just to be with you. When my mother died my two closest friends, James Rogers and Doug Farrar, were there for me. My mother died just before my birthday, so James’s mother gave me a birthday party at the Rogers home, three doors down the street. The care of these friends did not end with the burial. In ensuing years these same people were always there.
Times and culture have changed, but we who call Christ Lord and belong to the community of faith must keep a caring and responsive presence for others. One of the
Works of Mercy is to bury the dead. Attending a funeral is a work of mercy. During September we read from the Epistle of James. His message was loud and clear and
practical: Faith is shown, and must be shown, in works.