since you asked…
“What do I do about doubt? I want to believe in God and Jesus, but sometimes I feel as if my faith is wavering.”
When I read your question I was immediately reminded of the beautiful story in Mark’s Gospel, where a man brought his son who was possessed by an evil spirit to Jesus to be healed. The father asked Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Like the man in the Gospel, all of us struggle with “unbelief”…with doubt. This is why we frequently find ourselves having to make an “act of faith.” I think the time many of us have a doubt about the meaning of life and have to make an act of faith is at a funeral Mass. A few years ago I was at a crowded funeral Mass at St. Francis of Assisi in Raleigh to celebrate the life and death of a little girl, an only child, killed in a car accident. I sat in the pew with the small casket just a few feet from me as the presider prayed: “Lord God, from whom human sadness is never hidden, You know the burden of grief that we feel at the loss of this child. As we mourn her passing from this life, comfort us with the knowledge that she lives now in your loving embrace. We make our prayer through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with You in the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.” Then the whole congregation responded with a thunderous “AMEN!”
I remember thinking, “Wow…what an incredible act of faith that ‘Amen’ was!” With that “Amen” we were saying with one voice that in spite of our doubts and fears, we believe that there is a God, there is a life after death, and this little girl will live forever. We said a resounding yes to the words of St. John Chrysostom: “She whom you love and lose is no longer where she was before. She is now wherever you are.” I left that funeral with my faith renewed. That is what we are called to do for each other at every Mass. We come together with all our doubts, fears and hopes, we lift each other up with our prayer and song, and we charge out of church determined to try again to be more faith-full at work and at home.
It is important for me to remember that faith is a gift. It sounds like you have been blessed with the gift of faith. It is also equally important to understand that every act of faith, like every act of love, involves a decision. If we loved or believed only when we “felt like it,” neither our faith nor our love would be very impressive and would give little witness on behalf of the Jesus whom we know and love.
Let me close by noting two paragraphs (164 and 165) from the Catechism of the Catholic Church that address the issue of faith and doubt. You might find them helpful.
Now, however, "we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7) we perceive God as "in a mirror, dimly" and only "in part” (1 Cor 13:12). Even though enlightened by Him in whom it believes, faith is often lived in darkness and can be put to the test. The world we live in often seems very far from the one promised us by faith. Our experiences of evil and suffering, injustice and death, seem to contradict the Good News; they can shake our faith and become a temptation against it.
It is then we must turn to the witnesses of faith: to Abraham, who "in hope. . . believed against hope” (Rom 4:18); to the Virgin Mary, who, in "her pilgrimage of faith," walked into the "night of faith” (LG 58) in sharing the darkness of her son's suffering and death; and to so many others: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith” (Heb 12:1-2).
Thank you for your thoughtful question. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace.
Terry Jackson, D. Min., CSW, is diocesan Director of Evangelization and Catechesis.