United in Spirit, United in Service

At Fort Bragg, Catholic military wives find a family away from home

By Rich Reece / Pictures by Denmark Photo & Video

Once a week at Fort Bragg, the giant U.S. Army installation in Fayetteville, NC, 20 to 30 Catholic women come together to socialize, to pray, to serve and to help each other through the very distinctive lives they share as wives of men in the military. In John’s Gospel (Chapter 15), after Jesus commands the disciples, “Love one another,” He continues, “Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.” While the husbands of many of these women are risking their lives in Iraq or Afghanistan, the women offer their lives to each other, as sisters and spiritual companions through the joys and trials of motherhood and marriage and frequent moves, through loneliness and, sometimes, through terrible loss.

“Sisters in Spirit, Sisters in Service” is the motto of the Fort Bragg chapter of the Military Council of Catholic Women (MCCW). MCCW-Worldwide, the official women’s organization of the U.S. Military Archdiocese, has chapters on almost every U.S. military base in the world. Susan Fletcher, president of the Fort Bragg chapter, is a cheerful, energetic young woman who sets the tone for the group: “We have a lot of fun,” she says. “Most of us do not have any family nearby and this group quickly becomes a family away from home.”

At an unofficial gathering with seven other members of the group and at least twice as many little children, Susan describes a typical meeting on a Thursday morning during the school year (There are Tuesday evening sessions for women who can’t make the morning meetings.): “Those meetings are a little quieter than today,” she smiles. “We have free childcare and the older children are in school, so it’s just us and the babies. Usually some of us will bring food, and we’ll start by socializing. Then we come together for a devotion. We have a devotional leader, and it’s her job to kind of get us in the right frame of mind. Then I go on to business, maybe our current project or a project we’d like to do. Other members report on any issues they want to bring up. Then we’ll go into our Bible study.” A recent study focused on women in the New Testament. In the fall the group will begin a scriptural study of Mary.

The last item on the agenda is a prayer circle: “That’s where we share our intentions,” one of the women explains.

“Every third Thursday,” Susan continues, “we have Mass and say the Rosary, and do our service projects.” The projects are many. They have included making 100 rosaries for First Communicants, helping with kids’ games at the parish picnic, making cards for soldiers abroad, a clothing exchange (The women trade clothes among each other as their young children grow and new ones come along, and they donate the surplus to Catholic Charities. “We filled a van,” Susan says.). The group helped with Lent “soup and…” suppers and recently initiated Operation Fill the Bookcase (see box). In another project, all the members became certified as Eucharistic Ministers.

One of the biggest events annually – it takes all year to plan -- is the Marriage Renewal Dinner Dance. Held around Valentine’s Day and open to every Catholic couple in the military community, active or retired, it begins with a Mass and the Renewal of Marriage Vows, followed by a dinner and dance at the Officers’ Club. Sandra Gill, whose husband is retired, points out the importance of this event in raising the profile of MCCW. “It gets the whole community involved and aware of us and what we do.”

Yet another activity is a “Cider Service”: Each woman brings a different spice to a prayer gathering where the spices and fruit juices are added to apple cider. Each ingredient represents a different quality the women want to cultivate: for example, sugar=sweetness, cinnamon=hospitality, apple=spirituality, and allspice=humor. “Together,” Susan says, “we make a really good punch --and mighty strong women.”

Some of the group’s activities are purely social: game or movie nights, play groups for the children, dinners. Babysitters are provided to those who need them.

The women who are gathered today are vocal about the impact of the group on their lives. They mention the support, both social and spiritual. “We have a great range of age and experience,” says Susan Fletcher. “No matter what you are going through, no matter what question you have, someone in the group has gone through it and knows the answer.”

Beth Lamy, a young mother who grew up Catholic in Connecticut, says that it took moving to North Carolina to truly awaken her faith. “I always identified myself as Catholic,” she says, “but I didn’t really do much about it until I found this group. Now I learn something new about my faith at every meeting. We’ve studied apologetics, and that’s been so useful in an area where Catholics are really a minority. I think God led me to North Carolina to have my faith challenged.”

Another woman recalls, “When I came here I was pregnant and lonely, and these people were so nice!”

A third member endorses the spiritual education she’s received: “We learn from each other,” she says. “There are all levels of Catholic knowledge. Some of the women are going through RCIA and really know more detail about the Catholic faith than some of us who grew up in the Church.”

At its most intimate level, the group is about supporting the members through some of the family stresses inherent in military life, especially during a time of war. Women whose husbands are deployed naturally experience fear and uncertainty about the future, and loneliness. They are forced for long periods to become both mother and father to their children. When the husband returns, along with relief comes a huge task of adjustment: The family members can’t easily and automatically reassume the roles they had before, and the children may well be at different developmental stages than they were when the father left. The resulting tensions are well known to military wives.

“That’s one of the great things about this group,” one of the women says. “They understand. They’ve maybe learned ways to cope that I didn’t know.”

And when the worst happens, the faith-filled support and love of one’s “sisters” is crucial. “It’s true that military life is hard,” Susan says, “especially if your husband is deployed, but with good friends we can get through anything.”

Prayer to Our Lady of Good Counsel

Patroness of the Military Council of Catholic Women
Feast Day April 26th

O Lord of heavenly wisdom,
Who has given us your own Mother Mary
To be our guide and counselor in this our lives,
Grant that in all things we may have the grace
To seek maternal instructions and
To profit by it in humility and love.
O Mother of Good Counsel, Patroness of the Military Council of Catholic Women,
Help us to understand and fulfill
The mind and will of your Divine Son, Jesus Christ.
Under the blessing of the Father,
And by the power of the Holy Spirit,
May we be responsible and intelligent
Daughters of the Church.
May we labor in the spirit of renewal
To realize more perfectly the Kingdom of God here below
As the only true preparations for our share in the
Kingdom of Heaven.
And may we, in all we do or say,
Be filled with the same love of God and Neighbor
That overflows from your own Immaculate Heart.
Amen.

*This prayer was composed by the Most Rev. Robert J. Dwyer, D.D., Bishop of Reno, for the 33rd National Convention of the National Council of Catholic Women.

Operation Fill the Bookcase

The women of MCCW at Ft. Bragg are looking for donations of a particular kind of children’s book for the Ft. Bragg Library. “There are books targeted for children of men and women in the military; they deal with things like deployment and separation,” Susan Fletcher says, mentioning, for example, a series called Uncle Sam’s Kids. If you’d like to donate one of these books, write to mccwftbragg@hotmail.com. (Susan cautions that the women are not seeking – and not set up to handle – cash donations.)