Features
Amy’s Gift
Pregnant at 18, Amy Hutton faced a hard choice. She chose love.
By Rachelle D. Garbarine
When Amy was a senior in high school in Pittsburgh, she seemed destined to have a great year. She was crowned homecoming queen and dreamed of attending Penn State University on a swimming scholarship. Then she learned she was pregnant. “It was like a balloon deflating,” said Amy, a devout Catholic and pro-life advocate.
She, along with Robbie Leonard, Deanna’s biological father, and both their families, struggled with what to do next. Fate intervened in February, 2005, when Amy and Robbie met De and Don Dollar, both 40 with solid jobs and hopes of adopting a child. Together they learned about open adoption – which offers birth and adoptive parents as well as the child the potential to develop a relationship based on open communication.
Betty Rogosich, director of Birthchoice, a Raleigh-based family services group, said that with open adoptions the birth mother also has “the comfort of knowing that her baby is alive and being taken care of by a family she personally chooses.”
While Amy said she initially clung to the idea of raising Deanna, the Dollars’ sincerity and the prospect of remaining part of her daughter’s life chipped away at her resolve. “I wasn’t sure I could give up part of myself,” she said. “But I realized that it wasn’t about me and what I wanted, but what was best for Deanna.”
What was best for Deanna, all ultimately agreed, was for the Dollars to adopt and raise her; and the Dollars say they are blessed to have been given such a gift. From their shared conviction Amy, Robbie, De and Don formed a relationship founded on trust. “With lots of prayer and frank discussions with Robbie and Amy we decided open adoption could work,” said Don. “It was,” De added, “a leap of faith.”
The families started to build their relationship early in Amy’s pregnancy. They toured the hospital and attended birthing classes together and De accompanied Amy to the doctor. All that helped quell initial doubts that one family would sever the arrangement, which neither is legally bound to uphold. Over time their relationship grew into a bond. Robbie said he considers the Dollars part of his family; and Don described their families as “intermingled forever.” Dee added that when she and Don adopted Deanna, they adopted the Hutton and Leonard families.
They have stayed part of each other’s lives throughout Amy’s and Robbie’s years at N.C. State; Robbie graduated in December with a Sports Management degree and Amy will graduate in May with a degree in Communication. Even the Dollars’ move from Cary to Myrtle Beach and Amy’s and Robbie’s separation hasn’t broken their bond. Their visits have been as frequent as possible with the Dollars attending Robbie’s football games or visiting the Huttons in Pittsburgh or the Leonards in Cary; and Amy and Robbie, alone or together, dropping by to see Deanna and the Dollars.
There are no secrets. Deanna, who has Amy’s blonde hair and Robbie’s brown eyes, knows she is adopted and that Amy and Robbie are her biological parents. “Deanna will be able to ask questions throughout her life to Amy, Robbie, us and other family members. This will help throughout her development,” said Don. “She will experience the love from each of her extended families and know how much she means to everyone.”
Seeing Deanna, who turns four in July, so happy has helped Amy and Robbie know they made the right decision. “I get through the tough times by looking at what good parents the Dollars are and seeing the life Deanna has ahead of her,” said Robbie. Amy agreed, adding that she now realizes the benefits of her experience. It made her stronger and motivated her to help others going through unexpected pregnancies, she said, her blue eyes bright with determination. As a student Amy has been involved with Real Choices, a pro-life group on campus, and after graduation she would like to start a non-profit group that promotes awareness of open adoption, which she said worked for her, but is not for everyone.
When asked if she has any regrets Amy explained the deal she made with God in the hospital just before signing the adoption papers: “I said to Him, ‘If I do what You are asking me to do and allow these people to raise my daughter, the only thing I ask is that I will never regret this decision.’ He never broke our promise.”
Learn More About Open Adoption
Open adoption has always been an option among adoptions done through attorneys or facilitators. In the last two decades, however, it has become a more accessible option for all birth parents, according to Sandy M. Cook, executive vice president of programs at the Children’s Home Society of N.C. In 2001, N.C. law allowed licensed child-placing agencies to offer it as well.
There are no specific statistics for open adoptions in N.C., but figures from the State Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) show that in 2008 there were 3,441 adoptions in the state. According to DHHS Director Tammy Johnson, adoptions have been increasing slowly in N.C., with approximately 30 more each year.
But where do women experiencing unexpected pregnancies go to receive help with and information about adoptions in general and open adoptions in particular? Here is a good place to start:
Birthchoice
3820 Merton Drive, Suite 219,
Raleigh, NC, 27609
919-781-5433 or
www.birthchoicewake.org